You know what it’s like when you really, really want something and you can’t have it?
That’s how I feel this afternoon. Again.
Multiple rejections today.
I just don’t have any more energy left today to be thoughtful or ambitious or funny or clever.
I’m giving myself the rest of the day off.
I got 2 job rejections today. Ouch. One of them was the nicest rejection I’ve gotten so far. I smiled when I read it – “Unfortunately, we are unable to offer you a job at this time. We wish you success in pursuing your career. We hope you will not take our decision as a negative reflection on your credentials.” It was refreshingly nice that they included that last sentence. I need to remind myself that despite being jobless, I’m still a fundamentally worthwhile individual – with very nice credentials.
On the positive side, I had 3 interviews today. They were all with recruiters and temp agencies. The 3 agencies are in cahoots with each other, so it was easy to manage having 3 interviews/registrations all in the span of 2 hours. The most rewarding appointment was with the recruiter for permanent positions. He gave me encouragement about changing my resume. What a radical idea – just don’t mention that entire first career in Information Technology. The resume will hang together more logically if it only includes jobs I’ve had since moving to Saint Louis.
I had a humbling experience today when I realized (a little late, I know) the extent of the damage and loss of life in the Sunday tornado in Joplin, MO. I’m feeling like I wasn’t properly attuned to the suffering around me, even though I’m not in a position to remedy any of that misery. I don’t live in Joplin, so I can’t be part of recovery or clean-up efforts. I’m jobless, so I don’t have money to donate to the Red Cross. But if I feel shocked or sorry or empathetic, isn’t that a kind of virtual reaching-out to the tornado victims? Wouldn’t it be better if that had happened sooner for me?
Lastly, it was a good day/evening in the kitchen. I made Artichoke Pie – a recipe from my sister, Shirley. I made a rather uninspired spinach salad to go with the pie. Still, the meal was delicious. And now I am following up with a chocolate bar for desert – Lindt Excellence Chili chocolate. And did I mention the wine? That’s a nice combination to end the evening – wine and chocolate. Tomorrow will be a busy day, dear diary. So I better get my rest now.
I remember that “Somewhere” was a Sunday Scribblings topic that intrigued me a few years ago. If you don’t know Sunday Scribblings, check out this link: http://sundayscribblings.blogspot.com/
I’ve spent hours of my life thinking about somewhere else – the not-hereness of somewhere else is very entertaining. I’ve been restless many times, wanting a change of scenery. It’s a joke between John and I that when I visit a new city, I get easily distracted and frequently want to live there. This has happened multiple times. Vacations can be hellish for John to listen to me quickly become enthusiastic to uproot our lives and move somewhere. It’s a good thing that changes like this require planning, time, and money.
What’s attractive about the “somewhere”? In my most enduring “somewhere” fantasies, there are frequently mountains, the certainty of seasons, and green – mostly trees. There’s a city, not a town – with destinations for walking. The city part of the fantasy came true when we moved to Saint Louis in 1999. Living in the Central West End and then Downtown has spoiled me – now I love a walking life and feel quite lucky to have one.
Short list of current walkable requirements – affordable restaurants, library, grocery, public transportation, ATM. A river would be nice, because now I’m accustomed to having one nearby. Pittsburgh has three rivers – be still my heart!
I really, really hope that the next job I find will be within walkable distance. My friend Sarah says hope is not a strategy, so I am doing more than simply applying hope to the jobsearch. Here in Saint Louis, I telecommuted in the Central West End and Downtown, working from home for my last Georgia employer for two years. The work commute was nonexistent! Then I worked in the Central West End briefly – walk to the train, take the train, walk from the train to work. Terrific travel, but alas, not the job for me. Then I worked downtown temping in 2002, then worked on the very edge of Downtown for several years – all very walkable. My last job was distant – but I was in a terrific carpool. Not walkable, though. Because I have those other work experiences, I know that a walkable job is very possible. I’m focused to find that job and make it mine.
Right off the bat, I would characterize my personality as tidy – logical, organized, neat, calculating, planning, analyzing. You know, pretty nerdy stuff.
Feeding my need for orderliness, I started a colossal Excel file for my jobsearch. I made one page for employers, one page for jobboards like Monster, one page for employer sites that I tried but didn’t find useful, and one page for jobboards I tried and abandoned. Oh what fun I had making my columns and entering my data. Yes, columns for the URL. Yes, columns for each week that I search the specific site. Yes, those were happy minutes I spent giving myself the illusion of control about my jobsearch. Then I spent a large number of not-so-happy minutes actually jobsearching. Things I know – I am not suited for jobs that include “Senior”, “Manager”, Supervisor”. In job descriptions, “Sales” and “Multi-Task” make me queasy. But the nausea abated and I’m discovering that there are an amazing number of jobs out there. True, some of the job descriptions are odd – it makes me wonder how the organization ever decided the need for just such a person as described in the job posting.
Jobsearching takes up a lot of the day. But I can’t possibly let it take up 100% of the day – that would make me very glum indeed. Cooking is a good activity for me now, as part of my non-jobsearch activities. After all, we’ve got to eat and I like cooking. I just don’t like cooking on weeknights when I’m working. Voila – this time is perfect for trying new recipes. But alas, the impulsive side of my personality reigned yesterday in the kitchen. I heard a recipe for a protein shake on Dr. Oz last week. The recipe required many ingredients that I did not have. A trip to Whole Foods was required on Sunday, in anticipation of making the protein shake on Monday. Healthy ingredients are costly – or at least these ingredients were. I LOVE a trip to Whole Foods – but my purchasing impulses went unchecked. I bought things that weren’t on the list. Oh oh oh – I will control undisciplined spending. Certainly it’s helpful to remove myself from the place of temptation, so no more trips to Whole Foods.
But here’s the punch line about the impulsive side of my personality, and the expenses at Whole Foods. I made the shake on Monday. I.DIDN’T. LIKE. IT. Well, now I’ll research other recipes that use these ingredients, so maybe I can find something I do enjoy.
And I have a little bitterness toward Dr. Oz, for putting this recipe in front of me. Oh wait, you say it’s my own damn fault?
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