in an effort to save money

During recent cleaning endeavors, I uncovered a box of old tax information. It’s a big box. It’s our tax returns and supporting documents from 1976 through 1999. There is no reason to keep these old papers.

I began a search to find a secure shredding company. I found one that listed a $40 price.

I decided I was going to shred these papers myself, to save $40. The important thing to remember about this story is that I’m saving $40. That’s all, just $40.

I have a modest/weak home shredder. I have lots of paper to shred. The motor in my modest/weak shredder heats up rather quickly. Then the shredder shuts down, so it doesn’t burst into flames. A mandatory waiting period follows, while the motor cools slightly.

Are you getting the picture now? I could have spent $40 and had the job accomplished quickly. But no, I’m saving $40 by having this chore drag on very slowly, with forced periods of inactivity while the shredder motor cools. A task that seemed manageable is now a huge nuisance. I have been working at this boring duty for several days, fitting in the time between looking for a job and my other activities of daily living. I have completed shredding 1991 through 1999. Tip of the iceberg. This chore could linger for the foreseeable future.

procrastination

I am not much of a put-it-off-until-tomorrow person. But I am deep in the slumps of procrastination right now. There’s something that I don’t want to do. I want that thing to be DONE, but I don’t want to take the time to DO it. Hence, dawdling. As a newbie at procrastination, I have a few delaying strategies that I’ve been employing recently.

My first strategy is reading something. I love to read and would prefer to do that more than any other waking activity. I can read for more hours in a row than I can do anything else that I enjoy. Reading is relaxing and is a sure-fire way for me to avoid any other endeavor. As a bonus, it also occupies my mind, so I can effectively ignore the thing I don’t want to do. Lots of amusement, no fatigue, zero cost. Since I’m already an avid reader as a hobby, it’s natural that it would be my go-to procrastination strategy.

My second strategy is eating something. Sometimes that requires cooking something and then eating it. Sometimes it just involves walking to the kitchen and having a piece of fruit or enjoying a spoonful of almond butter. This procrastination strategy has more severe consequences than the reading strategy. If I read too much, the major drawback is that my eyes get tired. However, if I eat too much, the big downside is that I won’t be able to fit into my clothes. So the eating strategy must be utilized very cautiously, to avoid the unwanted results. Since eating doesn’t require much mental energy, it doesn’t allow me to ignore the thing I don’t want to do, thus resulting in me feeling guilty for overeating in addition to guilty for not doing the thing I don’t want to do. Not good.

My third strategy is cleaning. Yes, so help me god, cleaning. This is a wholesome activity and it soothes my inner nerd’s requirements for order and neatness. I have reached new heights of procrastination by using cleaning activities to delay the thing that I don’t want to do. There has been a huge amount of cleaning recently -  sorting/eliminating possessions while getting ready to sell the loft. Then there were big give-aways to specific people I thought might like some of our unwanted belongings. Then there was a huge binge of Freecyling to give away all the remaining items. Then there was vacuuming to catch the dust that had been caused by the sorting and the give-away activities. Lastly I washed the floors – every last square foot of them. I’m rather satisfied with the tidiness, but it doesn’t get me any closer to completion on the thing I’m avoiding.

The thing that I don’t want to do still is not done. I’m running out of procrastination strategies. Oh wait, I could take a nap!

 

unreasonable fears

I have some unreasonable fears – heights, driving on ice, running out of money during my retirement.

OK – maybe these fears are not entirely unreasonable, since people do fall from heights, driving on ice can lead to accidents, and some people do run out of money during retirement.

But realistically, these fears are not reasonable and should not put a damper on my normal day-to-day life. I don’t know why I’m afraid of heights and there is a weirdness about this particular dread. I’m not afraid to be in tall buildings, but I don’t want to stand by the windows or on the ledges. I don’t mind flying at all. Well, I mind flying, but it’s not about the height. The first time I ventured out onto our balcony, I was like a cartoon character hugging the building and panicky at the idea of standing by the balcony railing. Now, no accelerated heartbeat at all. It’s completely normal. I stand or sit on the balcony several times a day. There was no conscious plan to conquer the unreasonable fear. I just calmed down about it and the balcony does not cause me any terror now. But those wacky sightseeing spots with the glass/plexiglass floors like at the Sears Tower and at the Grand Canyon – I’m never gonna go there. Really, who thinks that’s fun?

I’m very cautious during winter driving, so my fear of driving on ice is puzzling. I’m pretty sure the worst thing that could happen is that I could be in a low-speed accident. My car could be damaged, but I’d probably be OK. As much as possible, I avoid the situation. It’s not often that I absolutely must drive in icy, snowy weather. I can usually postpone any driving errands until the next ice-free day. Commuting to jobs on public transportation takes the workday hassle away.

Financial planning for retirement is just one step saner than gambling. I can use the example of my genetics to see that the women in my family live almost a century. I should plan on retirement funds lasting a long, long time. How can I predict the returns on my investments? There’s a strong (but stupid) urge to put my money under the mattress. And start a big garden.  And move someplace where my money will go farther – like Costa Rica.  But I need my money to continue growing, I’m not a fan of the work required for big gardens and big weeds, and I don’t enjoy a hot climate where I don’t speak the language or understand the currency (at least not currently). I’m healthy now, but what does the future hold? I’m sure my mom did not foresee her very expensive living situation. I hold a faint hope that social service agencies could help me if I got into a financial predicament. I can cheer up because a lot of other folks are in the same boat with me. Surely all our millions of heads can find a solution for our collective financial fears. But meanwhile, I’m saving money as fast as I can.

wanting what I have

It’s good to evaluate/ponder/reflect routinely about the type of life I’m living. There’s a strong urge to think of scarcity, since I don’t have a job and consequently I have no income. I want to focus on the abundance in my life, because some days are just soooo good. Like today, for example.

The weather was dazzling early this morning – such a welcome break from the heatwave. I had a perfectly lovely exercise walk, including a stroll through the always-wonderful City Garden. During my cooldown, I had my favorite juicing breakfast – strawberries, apples, and pears. After a shower I talked to my sister-in-law about an upcoming trip to visit her and my brother-in-law in Wisconsin.  I strolled a few blocks and got a haircut, during the “Early Bird hours” at Great Clips. During the not-busy time at the grocery store, I bought the fruit and vegetables I need for juicing Thursday and Friday morning. I had a swell spinach salad for lunch on the balcony. I puttered around with the crops on the balcony. I read a book. I searched for a job. I wrestled my way through some unruly stacks of paper. I returned some books to the library. And it’s not even 3 o’clock yet! Later this afternoon a friend is taking me to dinner and a movie. Life is good. This life has no paycheck and has ample experiences of rejection by employers, but it has a lot of moments that are simple gems for me to appreciate.

minding your manners on the train, plus side thoughts

I took the train yesterday morning and the trip made me think about manners on the train. These are my thoughts about being a good citizen on the train – but it’s just my opinion and it’s only my train.

It is borderline rude to be talking so loudly to your seat companion that people three rows away can hear your entire conversation. Come on now, you’re supposed to be having a chat with one person, not making a speech to all the folks on the train.

It is borderline rude to have loud music on your phone or Game Boy or whatever the heck electronic device that you have.  If it’s your phone, I guess you’re entitled to your choice of ringtone, but does it have to be so loud? If it’s a Game Boy, do those things have a volume control? Or can you play the device without sound? Really, the noises are only appealing to you, not everybody else.

For a helpful thought, if people have luggage with them, it’s nice to give them the first row seats so they have more room. If you’re on a Blue train downtown and people get on with luggage, it’s nice to remind them that after the Central West End they need to switch trains to the Red line if they want to go to the airport

So why was I riding the train yesterday? I had to have a cholesterol test at my doctor’s office. I admit I had some jealousy about all the people riding the train to get to jobs at the hospital/medical complex. I have submitted 16 job applications for jobs at the hospital. I have received 10 rejection letters – in fact, I got one last night. I have 6 applications “Under Consideration” – which might be a gentle way of saying 6 pre-rejection applications. I can’t seem to get to square one with any of my applications at the hospital – I haven’t even had a phone interview for any of the jobs. In my paranoid moments, I think I’m being punished because I worked at the hospital for 3 months in 2002 and then quit. But I didn’t quit in a huff, I didn’t think I burned any bridges. However, the hospital might be holding a grudge about that.

From the hallway where my doctor’s office is located, I can see the marvelous all-glass building where John and I almost bought a condo a few years ago. I had a crush on the building then and I still have a crush on it – but looks aren’t everything. The condo was tremendously expensive, at least for our budget it was extravagant. We were so very much in love with it and very close to buying it – but we came to our senses and didn’t purchase. If we had bought that condo, we would not have sold our loft, so we would have two mortgage payments. We would have endured the headaches of finding tenants for our loft and all the painful landlord traumas that can accompany leasing your property to someone else. If we had bought that condo, as things have turned out, we would probably be defaulting on at least one of our mortgages by now. It’s a humbling thought.

nothing lasts forever

I had high hopes for the balcony farm. Some of those hopes have been realized. The tomatoes are great growers and the results have been tasty. The basil was a terrific plant and I enjoyed lots and lots of basil. But then some sort of pestilence settled in and now the plant doesn’t look so great. The green beans were good, but very slow to produce. I’ve had many green beans from the grocers while waiting (not so patiently) for my plants to produce. Some of my crop ambitions have even been surpassed – love, love, love the eggplant!

However, some of my plants have been cruel disappointments. The cucumber died a few weeks ago. Well, OK, it was a mercy killing. The dang thing was a very unruly plant, climbing everywhere despite the fact that it was supposed to be a bush plant. It even invaded the other nearby plants. And it didn’t produce anything. Zilch. So I stopped wasting time and water on it and it burned right up in this spectacular heat wave.

Now it’s time for another round of plant euthanasia. The tomatillo was a truly spectacular plant, but not a producer – nothing at all, zero. The yellow crookneck squash was a big showy plant, but every single squash shriveled on the vine. I know it’s very hot and I have no way to rig up any kind of shade for the plants. But squash leaves are huge and they were busy providing shade to the little squashes. But still, every one of them withered on the vine.The squash is my biggest disappointment. I’m going to stop watering the tomatillo and the squash, because they’re just too unsatisfactory to make it worth the effort of carrying the water to them. I’m undecided about the basil.

But all is not lost – picture me smiling about my tomatoes, my eggplant, and my underachieving green beans. The basil is on probation for a week, while I ponder my verdict.